>>77260335It's beyond fucked up. I kept the pictures of the cuts and bruises thinking it's a good reminder why me being a woman beating rapist was the best way it could have ended. But even after three years the mind still wanders to the blissful times. I've never met a woman so kind, understanding, and on the same wavelengths. And I've never met a man or woman more cruel. You perfectly capture how it goes down. Top of the world manliest man to lowest scum. It certainly didn't help I was punching way above my weight class with her, soft 9 easily. Beauty can blind even an normal man, for an autist once you get over the holy shit am I dreaming phase it's not something you easily let go of.
Aspd gets a lot of shit but at least you know what to expect with ttem. They can sometimes be glib, but they don't give a fuck. Wysiwyg almost. And they're rare. Bpd has layers like some kind of willy Wonka euphoric nightmare onion. The bad is so bad it should outshine the highs. But then you get some random bullshit Google photos hey remember this :^) and it all comes flooding back.
Even got a new girl but the main draw is she's safe. Now she's punching above her weight class but that is part of why it feels so safe. Very long history too. Lower level of adoration compared to bpd, but also without the malice. She does bad or wrong like any woman does but you know with certainty it's an issue of intelligence and not spite or evil. She's always respectful and deferential. Not sure I'm ever letting my guard down again. Is it love? I couldn't say. The feelings are nowhere near as intense. But like Data on star trek said she's familiar. Familiarity, predictability. Wanting anything more just feels greedy seeing as I received zero interest anywhere until mid late twenties.
Fuck her. It's a good thing you got a wife that didn't come from the bowels of hell disguised as an angel. What is the impetus behind such behavior? Just boredom and wanting to stir the pot and see what happens?
